PUTDATEAMONMYBACK

Commentators are so fucking bad

Instead of all those clowns fucking around at their big desk, wearing suits and shit like they have a real job, it should be more like this. especially football with its numerous and long lulls (lulz?) in actual shit happening. they just fill up the time with meaningless talk that they probably think sounds knowledgable. "in this kind of situation it would be less advantageous to have a negative gain circumstance for the offense of the green bay packers" some kind of really convoluted statement that probably didnt need to be made. My favorite commentator of all sports is probably ANdy Gray

he really is good though. in regards to a cristiano ronaldo blatant dive "he went down like he was shot by a sniper" the thing about women linesmen is kind of funny. i feel bad they got fired or whatever.

Music Wurd Joaks

I have two cute kitty cats and two old dogs at home. The one cat is so special she jumps up on the book shelf using her Cat power. She is really Feisty. They all get along so well I think that they have formed an Animal collective. maybe they will invite a Caribou to join.

ON a serious note though, I really think Charlie Sheen kills it.

it makes sense that he is on a show as dumb as 2.5 men. he is probably mad effed up all the time, and totally fucking hungover. I have never really seen more than 3 minutes of 2.5 men, and i dont know anything about acting. as far as i can tell acting on sitcoms doesnt have to be good, people sort of just shoot off dumb jokes. some more serious sitcoms like ones from england, or conceptual things like arrested development, those require some acting maybe. but again i dont really know. Either way Charlie (real name Carlos estevez) Sheen is hilarious. he and his bro EMILIO should make a movie. about why seinfeld blows.

NSFW watchin porn NSFW

saw the funniest ad while watching porn today...

"my dick is now 10" long! I dont give a shit about anything...I just FUCK women all day. every day." (Note: they said woman rather then women, quite barbaric)



no homo



see

kinda feel like thats an exaggeration. Not necessarily the size of the dick cuz it does look like a big dick but the fact that he doesnt do anything but fuck. ANd if this were true kinda feel like id be kinda bummed. like u know how green day has that song that everyone use to listen to in elementary school and they say "masturbation's lost its fun" (totes never thought that could happen as a kid. Totes thought they were just crazy pop punkers trying to be all rebellious and just say things like masturbation and fun.) but kinda think now that im becoming... whats it called... ma...ture??? or something, and i realize u cant just masturbate all day.

probs feel like if u fuck all day ur dick might start to hurt and u might wanna do something else like eat and shit .

feel like a 10 inch dick prob makes chick not want to fuck all day too. cuz their vag prob gets all tired.

prob most importantly though, just a reminder to all my bros out there, even without a 10 inch dick... u dont have to give a shit about anything

mind soooo numb

as antony said to cleopatra as he opened a crate of ale oh i say....

instead of bitching about one's parents and shit like "quit nagging at me". "I'M a disappointment? what have you ever done?" "I'M lazy!?" "would you ever fuck off?" "You advised me poorly mom and dad"its time to get real. i think hating your parents is for lamestreamers and baby boomers (baby boomers are lamestreamers, but lamestreamers need not be baby boomers.) nope, the person who it is more authentic to hate than your parents is yourself. sure you can blame them for your own shortcomings (genetics, learned behavior, lifestyle, etc.) but in the end it is still you who is the disappointment. you are the one who has failed to match them. (unless you have. i scarcely think i know anyone who qualifies for that though, and those people make me feel bad bout myself so lets ignore them) i hate them for setting the bar high and judging me, but i hate myself for failing to best them. i suppose it might be time to give in and conform to a more mainstream lifestyle, free from ultraviolence and misery.
encyclopedia dramatica, my new wikipedia

I eFfin Hate white people.

this fool i know once told me that ^ while midst the throes of near absolute inebriation (meaning his blood had basically become alcohol). At that point i argued with him awhile about what exactly a house is and how a person actually comes to have one. Althouhg that may sound inconsequential, its importance is paramount in any mind flooded with crooked I's.

Yet despite this unnamed american indian's adroitly persuasive arguments... not until recently have i come to finally agree with the aforementioned statement.

most things white poeple love suck. Flat out. Like tom brady and country music and romance and being all tentious and shit

unpaid internships are the dumbest things ever - a white creation implemented to make their white mature society of business and bureaucracy more exclusive and illogical. If somebody has an internship to learn about working, why do they gots to go to college, because aint that shit spose to prepare u for work or somethin like dat.

white people (specifically mature white people) also suck at enjoying life. For evidence see the following -

Fun things: dancing, singing, laughing/tellin jokes, boxing, smokin blunts, drinkin forties, chillin, playin sports, listening to good music, wearing cool clothes, being friendly, not being a stuck up priss

and all things mature white people dont do or straight up suck at

I think as long as u dont become a mature white person u might be safe from becoming a bland, robotic tool that old greedy ugly white people control and manipulate... but if u do... ur fuckin screwed

Audio Visual Support for why white people suck.

mormon jesus

the harvest is past the summer is ended and we are not saved

i have no money. that means i have enough money for gas, drinking, going out for pizza, my cell phone. and nothing else. i dont understand where other people get things. maybe they drink/smoke less than me. how can other people afford shit? i dont pay rent. if i had rent/mortgage i would never have any money. i think a decent standard of living, with morally responsible food, vacation and clothing purchases requires an income of easily 100k and up. if you want to live in a place with decent restaurants and shit, and ready access to clothing stores, that isnt a dirty city, you are f-d. shit is tough. some people i know have jobs and shit. like real ones. im pretty jealous. would totally love a crib w/o my parents. i hate dogs. we have 2. hate the lifestyle of blount rides. hate my parents.

i feel like many people had these feelings in high school. maybe now they love their parents? maybe they are more mature than me. idk. i feel like i need to attend the hater's ball. hate hate hate. its not just jealousy motivated though. some of it is also scornful. resent people whose lifestyle choices i find callous or immoral. (most of these people coincidentally have nicer cars than me)

Chappelles Show
The Playa Hater's Ball
www.comedycentral.com
Buy Chappelle's Show DVDs Black Comedy True Hollywood Story

This Is Why I Suck.

ok obvi i dont suck, im mad hot, im the boss... oooh damn just saw a incredibly rotund booty walk behind my comp screen (you might be able to tell im a busy person, got no time for thinkin about what to write... new style is jsut stream of consciousness... its like freestyling, only my prose can be appreciated before someone announces, " whoa guys that was all freestyled... u know he didnt write any of dat shit down... i swear none of those rhymes were memorized... it was off the top of his head... damn i wanna suck his dick"

anyways this aint gonna be no self deprecating blog post about how i gots to be better at doin things and shit. instead im gonna blame all my bloggeresque flaws on other people (like my loved ones) and things (like dose tings that no one can control... like the weather)

first of all i just had to spend a fuckin year in another country where they dont even have internets.

(i went there btws... cliffs of moher, it was mad sweet and rainy and i was getting blown everywhich way... totes awesome)

yeha but so this place doesnt import any beers xcept bud. so every god damn pub, which are supposed to be plentiful (and they are) and dope (which they arent really), only serves about 5 different beers... only continually drinkable one, guiness.

and then the fuckers costed 4 quid. or whatev they call their goofy colored money.

But ireland was pretty. Dont understand why i gots to fly cross a massive ocean to go see something pretty. I live in fuckin merica.

Other reasons i recently suck: Everyones always naggin me an shit.

I dont get it, people can do things witout my approval. I havent recently been named lord of all mundane and logical processes.People should stop bothering me so i can do important things like... masterbate and play vid games and blog and shit.

fucking commercials. I hate fucking commericals theyre totes ruining my life. if i ever buy my own tv, im gonna git one that doesnt have commercials... fuck 3d i dont need another dimension, i need to first purify the 2 i got and therefore get rid of fuckin commercials... xcept when im drunk, they kinda funny when im drunk and r a welcome respite from tv shows that can get arduous and complicated.

um i hate food and how u gotta prepare it and make it all the time. and transportation and how u have to go somewhere to get somewhere, u cant just be there.

an learnin... what a pain, id rather remain ignorant... it makes my blogs better

THE WORST BLOGGER EVER

THAT CHRISTOPHER P KOLODZJIESKI IS ONe lazy motherfucker. he has been busy with many other things and has neglected the internet. and dont buy his excuse that there is no internet at his house, or perhaps he was busy with school. no that asshole has been on his googlemachine cellphone for hours at a time learning his shit. or watching tv. whatveer. so many bloggable things have happened. a man shot a lot of people in a crazy place. poor michael vick lost. fuCK. so many fueg jams happened. this just wont stand.

In my exclusive private liberal arts school i took this class about languages and shit and how like the way someone talks is a product of like the specific region they are from, their background shit like that. but also alot of it is personal. you are the person who can create your own accent!. this doesnt mean you should waste this opportunity on faking an accent you think sounds cool. (british, outer burroughs thug, these are two i have heard people fake.) You have the opportunity to simply make up words, steal words, pronounce things like an idiot. and basically do whatever you want. It is like poetry every day, all the time. some people might say silicone like "Sill-eh-Cone" NOT ME. I like to say "Sill-Eh Cun" AND NOONE can stop me. its so cool. someone might be all butthurt, and thats ok, you may call them butthurt. BUT YOU COULD JUST say "TIGHT FACE" or "facehurter"

I may in fact have misunderstood the meaning of this exclusive and expensive class. it costed like fucking 5,000$$ or something and like mad few people were even allowed to take it.


I STOLE these SONGs FROM MY FRIEND