leslie nielsen did a great wesley willis

tried to write some crap about what a bummer it is that he died.  Shit just sounded like some 60 min news update.  We all know naked gun and airplane were mad good cuz of his stylish delivery.  We all know he had dashingly good looks.  But do we really know how much a g leslie nielsen was.
Forbidden planet was cool and all but he pioneered the art of acting like an unaware moron.  Surprising how that shtick works in both movies and life .






oohh... what do i wish for more, to be in a sf movie with the first ever entire electronic soundtrack or be in a movie with oj simpson.

Harry Potter Gets it IN: A Review of HP 7 part I

It was only in this most recent viewing of HP that I became aware of the freudian nature of all that wand waving. A wand is a wizard's greatest tool. He needs it all the time, to perform spells and assert his wizarding masculinity. Indeed the enhanced steakheadedness of both Ron (who is looking like Ronnie from jersey shore) and H fuckin P seems out of place. Wizards don't need to be muscley to compensate for something they may or may not be lacking, they can just get the most DIESEL wand.

Isnt it curious how the word “wand” is so close to the word “wang”? Maybe it is not a coincidence. Indeed the source of Dumbledore's power and respect in the magical community is revealed to be (amongst other things) his possession of the “ELdEr WAnD” a ludicrously large and potent wand of fine vintage. In modern vernacular it would be called the “daddy dick”, while magic peoples reverentially refer to it as the “deathstixxx” The female wizards, hereto-forth known as “witches” or in the modern vernacular “wiccans” have reached a satisfying conclusion for the freudian problem of penis envy: they are allowed to buy their own functional Wan(g)d. Indeed when Voldemort (V-mort) needs to use another wand, he goes after the guy he knows to be a big punk, Malfoy dad, but even he was like “seriously bro? You need my WAND?, I kinda wanted to keep that you know, for future use”

I think that when I read the books the wand imagery wasnt as prevalent, but in this movie there more wands on display than an NFL locker room. There were other awesome parts of the movie though; how sick was that Brown Bunnyesque scene in the woods where HP and Emma Watson were all naked and shit. Speaking of Hermione; hasnt she kind of eclipsed the other 2 in terms of stardom? Daniel “the world's most wooden and awkward dancer” Radcliffe should count his lucky motherfuckin stars that he got to be in 8 such fine movies. And Rupert Grint, how shamelessly you have abused steroids, do you want to be a ginger version of the rock or something? The house elfs are every bit as annoying as Jar Jar Binx. I hate emotional scenes with fake ass CGI characters, I wanted to laugh when the tiny weird looking thing died in HP's arms, it looked so dumb.

The funniest bit probably is how easily HP and co. get swooped by the snatchers. V-mort himself rolls up on Harry like a flying beast from hell, shooting death spells at him, and Harry casually is like “oh shit dogg, fuck off” But when some fucking euro-trash gangsters jump out from behind a tree HP is completely surprised, and easily bundled into a burlap sack. It was funny then how worried and shit Malfoys dad was. He was all like “if we F this one up v-mort is totally gonna F us in the A”

I wish magic was real so much. I would love to lay on the couch, pull out the eLdAr WaND and holler “accio oreos” or as one good friend said “accio fleshlight” and it would come flying out of giggles and right into his basement. That is the power of magic.  

For Tim

Gabrielle sayeth: This is just too much.

Carlos respondeth: Not quite enough actually...

Nicholas thinketh: When will it ever be enough.

all that text message shit/fml is over

c'mon son! check title links. i have a good one. i drank 2 cans of 4loko then for the rest of the weekend i ate a crunchwrap, an xxl chalupa, burrito, mcrib, fries, bagel with cream cheese, italian combo wedge, another italian combo wedge, bacon/egg, buttered roll (x100) 2 butterfingers, 3 musketeers, snickers, indian buffet: tandoori, sag paneer, fucking all that shit veg. korma. the bottom line is that 4 loko will cause you to eat only the most retarded food, and in mass quantities. thats its most devastating effect. after drinking mass 4loko, u cant even take respite in baloney, your brain is too melted in half. only t-bell which is the new jumpin off point. i mean t-bell is bananasas, everything there tstes the same. they all contain the same shit: ground beef, cheese, mexico sauce (btw how hotfire was ron mexico last night? thats right http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ron_Mexico.) and now they have the new mexico verde sauce: #countit.

this picture of mike vick, taken in asia, displays a common t-bell menu offering there: live puppy on a bun covered in mustard.

amish people and matching shirts

recently i set forth on an expedition one would only take with close friends (or grandparents, they loves this shit), in which we ventured into the rural wilderness of pa and observed the strange phenomenon called the amish.  Crazy fuckers thats for sure.  But even before entering true amish country we (a gaggle of misguided, yet undeniably handsome youths) experienced soemthign even more perplexing than the mindless torture amish folks choose to endure.

we entered the thudadome


yeahhh, it was a buffet and there were enough people there to fill at least two football fields, or more specifically two of their massive banquet halls.  It was intimidating as fuck.  i felt like a stoned fifteen year old boy, and i new i would not be able to eat as much as these champions of the country lifestyle.  So after sitting for three hours and failing to eat more than 1 and half whole chickens worth of pork, beef and polish sausage, we decided we should stop making cup pyramids and phone videos and instead venture into the gift shop. 



the gift shop spanned the entire bottom floor.  probably analogous to the mutated love child of a menage a trois between home goods, marshalls megastore, and crate and barrel.



but like any group of good friends we endured and rummaged through the store, hugged stuffed animals, played with wind chimes and weird musical dioramas, tried on way too many tshirts, and of course bought matching tshirts... two sets.

flag on the play...

tv ads are insane. 

super cereal?

i dont know i cant find the one with a big fat football player snoring because he drank a bottle of nyquil. 

im not even going to bother finding the one that accuses people in focus groups of being "donut eaters" disparagingly. and then the one where mike ditka lambasted this one guy for not buying his turn. then there was this ad for like 60 minutes where they didnt identify manny pacquiao by name but rather "this smiling boxer" i dont understand really. immediately after comes the ad for the pcquiao v. margarito fight. television is mad ignorant. i was at broadway pizzza yesterday the little cockeyed guy with the glasses always used to have glen beck on the radio, now he has that motherfucker on tv. come on son. im trying to enjoy pizza without hearing the pink skinned, cop haircut glen beck, who hates blacks, loves the ficticious character "god" and wants to murder everyone who disagrees with him. in short i am boycotting broadway from now on. 

the audacity!

loudly slammin a pack of newps against your open palm in the middle of a college campus is basically analogous to gettin totes drunk in some european club while slurfully pleading the dj to put on the latest mashup of kanye jamz and nirvanas rape me.

and let me clarify... i do not in anyway sympathize with this ignorant person.  In fact im pretty pissed off that shes offerin up her minty delicious newp while im trying to be all studious like and get to that fuckin library.  I see her standin by herself waiting for someone to chat her up but i also know that if ur that desperate to give away ur fresh desirable delights then u gotta be one hell of a lame ass person. 

thus i stay away from them types. just like i stay away from slutty women.


when satan tempted jesus a whole bunch in that desert... i betya he used newports

PAARTY TIME

At 5:27 a.m. Saturday, Yonkers police Officers Frank Califano and John Tyndal were on Nepperhan Avenue near Roberts Avenue when they heard several cars in front of them blowing their horns, Yonkers police Detective Sgt. Patrick McCormack said.


The cars went around a 2006 Nissan Pathfinder that was stopped at a green light.


The officers saw Stoby sleeping in the Pathfinder. There was an open bottle of Heineken beer between his legs and empty bottle of Hennessy in the car, police said. Stoby had his foot on the brake and the car was in drive, McCormack said.


One officer opened the passenger side door and put the car in park.


The officers then woke him.


Police said Stoby punched Califano in the face while sitting in the driver's seat, then struggled violently with the officers who tried to arrest him, McCormack said.


After Stoby was subdued police found a small bag of cocaine in his jacket.


imagine how fun that night was, until the cops pummeled the shit out of him. whenever you see the paper and it says like "man arrested after struggle with Yonkers cops" the guy has like a black eye, broken nose, 25 stitches, etc. they clearly go to town with their billy clubs. but seriously, it was 5.27 AM. he should have just parked his car at the sanitation garage and slept it off for like 3 hours, then drove home. maybe he was on his way there, idk. he must have been so fucking close to crashing the whole ride, like fucking comatose drunk. and once he hit a stoplight he just passed out, mad funny, bc everyone knows the only victims of drunk driving are the poor drunks who have to pay all those fines and shit.

tHE BoSs

"I'm going to go ahead and start this thing off. I'm going to go ahead and say this. I think I said something a couple weeks ago. Look, I got fined $25,000 for not speaking to you all. Me personally, I really don't care. But at the same time, I do answer questions throughout the week. For the league to fine me $25,000, I'm not going to answer any more questions for the rest of this year. If it's going to be an interview, I'm going to conduct. So I'll answer my own questions. I'll ask myself the questions, then give y'all the answers. So from here on out, I'm not answering any more questions for the rest of this season. Enough said of that, now we'll get to the game.

"Let me hold it down. Alright. I really haven't had a chance to talk to the guys, so this is no disrespect to the Minnesota Vikings and their organization. The captains, Wilfolk, Tommy Boy, Mayo, Kevin Faulk, man I miss them guys, man, I miss the team. It was hard for me to come here and play. It's been an up and down roller coaster emotionally for me all week. And then to be able to come in here and see those guys, running plays and I know what they're doing, and the success they had on the field, the running game, so I kind of know what type of feeling they have on their locker room, man. I just want to be able to tell the guys, I miss the hell out of them, every last helmet in that locker room.

"I mean, Deion Branch came up to me after the game. I've never had a chance to meet Deion Branch, but it was definitely a pleasure to meet him. Coach Belichick, he gave me an opportunity to be a part of something special. That's something I really take to heart. I actually salute Coach Belichick and his team and the success they've had before me, during me and after me. So I'm actually stuck for words, just because of the fact that, man, this is just, a lot of memories here. To the New England Patriots fans, that ovation at the end of the game, that really felt heart-warming. I think I actually shedded a tear for that.

"Like I said, it's been an emotional roller coaster all week. Tried to prepare, tried to talk to the players and coaches about how this game was going to be played, couple tendencies here and a couple tendencies here. The bad part about it, is you have six days to prepare for a team, and on the seventh day, that Sunday, meaning today, I guess they come over and say, 'Dag Moss, I guess you was right about a couple plays and a couple schemes they were going to run.' And it hurts as a player, that you put a lot of hard work in during the week, and at the end of the week, Sunday, when you get on the field, that's when they acknowledge about the hard work that you put in throughout the week. That's actually a disappointment.

"I can't really say enough about this team and this organization. I met with Mrs. Kraft before the game because I really didn't have a chance to talk to her before I left. I thanked Mrs. Kraft for letting me have the opportunity to be a part of something special. The New England Patriots have always been a special organization and I've always watched from afar.

"When I got drafted by Minnesota, and I think I said this a couple weeks ago, I think I felt obligated to bring a Super Bowl to Minnesota. And this season is still not over. Do I know what next season and the future is going to bring? No, I do not. But all I can say is that it's a lot of work that we leave on the field each day.

"There is a lot of film study that we leave in that room each day. I know how hard these guys work in New England and the only thing that I really tried to do was take what the best coach in football history has brought upon me, or the knowledge that he's given me about the game of football, and I tried to sprinkle it off to the guys the best way I know how. So I'm going to go ahead and end this interview, I have my family to see.

"Definitely down that we lost this game because I didn't expect us to lose this game knowing that we had a few things that we had to clean up. But like I said, they played a good game. I wish we could have had that three at the end of the half. Maybe it could have been different. Maybe not. I don't know how many more times I'm going to be up here in New England, but I'm going to leave the New England Patriots, Coach Belichick, man, with a salute. Man, I love you guys. I miss you. I'm out."